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What does this Rorschach blot look like to you?
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~ My Secret Heart ~
25 May 2009 @ 05:30 pm
Only three more weeks and then summer will come and this school year will come to an end
and I'm not quite sure if I'm happy with that at all:
on one hand, this year was like a balloon...I'd always be filled with false hope and then one tiny dart would pop my balloon
" and i wish it could be a whole army of darts to at least heal my ego, but no...just one tiny dart, and down I fell..."
and I'm not quite sure if I'm happy with that at all:
on one hand, this year was like a balloon...I'd always be filled with false hope and then one tiny dart would pop my balloon
" and i wish it could be a whole army of darts to at least heal my ego, but no...just one tiny dart, and down I fell..."
19 April 2009 @ 11:36 pm
Never forget
Olga; Tatiana; Maria; Anastasia
Please, please go through this lovely site.
The song on the site is so beautiful and haunting. And at first you think it's just a nice little piano piece. But it's much much more.
If you listen closely, you can hear marching. And at first I thought it was all the lost souls marching, but Grand Duchesses don't march. Sad people don't march. Not angrily like those marchers.
Then I realized, the marching was from all the soldiers. The ones that wanted to save the last Russian Imperial family. The ones who had been treated or visited by O.T.M.A. in their hospital. They're marching around that family, daring any person to try and break the circle. Nicholas, Alexandra, Olga, Tatiana, Maria, Anastasia, Alexei. They're in a little circle, the ladies are sitting, Nicholas is playing the piano. Alexei is standing. They all look out to their past, recalling their lovely times before their end. If you listen really, really closely, you can hear one of them humming along.
And then, when the music ends, it all fades out, and starts again, like a music box, one that never stops. They can't stop, the memories of their end is so horrible that they have to see their happy days before to get over the last part. Then they must go back to the before. Again and again. A little life cycle.
But you see their desolate faces and you wish to come help, but you can't. You can't help a soul, especially not a lost soul. You'll just have to wait to that Day. The Day where the Bolsheviks will get what they deserved, the day where all the lies Anna Anderson said will be shown as what they are.
Honestly, I don't know why I hate Anna so. Just the thought of someone like her, impersonating Anastasia, and fooling the world. I only hope she wasn't in a good state of mind when she made everything up. That would be the only way for one to forgive her.
But the Bolsheviks? Those horrid ones? No, I wish nothing for them, but the worst.
I usually never hate anyone so, but.....
But please never forget the little Shvibzik, the Good Fat Puppy, the leader, and the one with the Humble Snub.
22 January 2009 @ 07:54 pm
Butterflies never stay one place too long.
I've been told that I think too much, I should just act without thought.
Using my brain and not my heart got me in trouble, and I think I'm in one.
I feel like I'm in a cage. Can't do this, can't say that, can't wear this, can't do anything.
I keep having dreams...where I can fly, and I do, I fly to the farthest part in my area,
But I remember a grownup telling me that I can fly to wherever I want, so long as I don't cross the borderline.
And I look into the area on the other side of this border, standing on the board walk, looking into the waters below, and all my fears catch up with me.
And I just decide to listen to what I'm told, and I just fly back home, so I won't have to be tempted again.
Except this time, I can't fly quite well.
Like someone cut off one of my wing tips....I can't soar like before, just barely make it back, with less happiness in me.
I just realized today how much this really reflects me.
I've been told that I think too much, I should just act without thought.
Using my brain and not my heart got me in trouble, and I think I'm in one.
I feel like I'm in a cage. Can't do this, can't say that, can't wear this, can't do anything.
I keep having dreams...where I can fly, and I do, I fly to the farthest part in my area,
But I remember a grownup telling me that I can fly to wherever I want, so long as I don't cross the borderline.
And I look into the area on the other side of this border, standing on the board walk, looking into the waters below, and all my fears catch up with me.
And I just decide to listen to what I'm told, and I just fly back home, so I won't have to be tempted again.
Except this time, I can't fly quite well.
Like someone cut off one of my wing tips....I can't soar like before, just barely make it back, with less happiness in me.
I just realized today how much this really reflects me.
12 January 2009 @ 06:19 pm
Rules:
Make a bunch of secret fairy wishes, hopes, desires, or bits of advice and scatter them somewhere magical...
Take lots of pictures and/or video and post it to your blog, telling us all about your fun.
Tag at LEAST 3 other bloggers.
Go to secretfairywishes.blogspot.com and comment to tell us you did it! We'll feature you and you could earn a prize!
Put this lovely banner in your sidebar!
**Note: You don't have to be tagged to participate, but you do have to tag others if you participate and you must participate if you're tagged!
HAVE FUN WISHING!
I wish wish wish to be able to do this soon! My wonderful wonderful best friend Lenore ((lenore-lolita.blogspot.com/)) tagged me and I know, I know. Livejournal users aren't supposed to do tags. But...I feel like making Secret Fairy Wishes.....in case they ever come true.
I wish wish wish to be able to do this soon! My wonderful wonderful best friend Lenore ((lenore-lolita.blogspot.com/)) tagged me and I know, I know. Livejournal users aren't supposed to do tags. But...I feel like making Secret Fairy Wishes.....in case they ever come true.
02 January 2009 @ 05:02 pm
for my quiet best friend
but I had to get this off of my chest.
I love traveling. I love transportation. Bikes, trains, aeroplanes, old cars...anything. just the thought of a journey, is so wonderful. To go on a journey, but never really reach the destination.
I love how...when you're on a bus ride or car ride or other, it's like you're not you. You're not anyone because it's like you're in a world of waiting. you can't do anything except watch the world go by. You're almost in a dream.
I love airplanes most of all, and airports. I love watching the clouds like Peter Pan does on his way to Neverland. Like the Angels do. From the top. I love looking at the neverending blue.
Sometimes, I want to take a rowboat and push it onto the sea and just keep rowing, rowing until all around me is water, and under me is treasure and fish and creatures that one can't even imagine. And I wonder, I wonder. If anyone would come along with me.
but I had to get this off of my chest.
I love traveling. I love transportation. Bikes, trains, aeroplanes, old cars...anything. just the thought of a journey, is so wonderful. To go on a journey, but never really reach the destination.
I love how...when you're on a bus ride or car ride or other, it's like you're not you. You're not anyone because it's like you're in a world of waiting. you can't do anything except watch the world go by. You're almost in a dream.
I love airplanes most of all, and airports. I love watching the clouds like Peter Pan does on his way to Neverland. Like the Angels do. From the top. I love looking at the neverending blue.
Sometimes, I want to take a rowboat and push it onto the sea and just keep rowing, rowing until all around me is water, and under me is treasure and fish and creatures that one can't even imagine. And I wonder, I wonder. If anyone would come along with me.
23 December 2008 @ 07:41 pm
...is filled with delicious food.
If I keep eating all of it, I won't need a hot-air balloon to go on that journey we talk of with together. I could be the hot air balloon.
I wouldn't mind. Because I like using myself as the balloon far better than having to borrow a proper one from a big company
And if we ever do send it back to the company in a cardboard box like we said, they might track us back down
Cage us up
and take us home again.
If I keep eating all of it, I won't need a hot-air balloon to go on that journey we talk of with together. I could be the hot air balloon.
I wouldn't mind. Because I like using myself as the balloon far better than having to borrow a proper one from a big company
And if we ever do send it back to the company in a cardboard box like we said, they might track us back down
Cage us up
and take us home again.
21 December 2008 @ 09:39 pm
Because when I try to sing along to music,
like when I'm playing Jingle Bells on the piano,
my voice gets a little too high, and I sound like a squeaky mouse.
Without the piano, I can sing very regularly. I hope it can be overcome, or else I can never sing aloud to a song in public, or even to my Itty Bitty.
Yesterday, I finished reading Pride and Prejudice. I am ever so in love with Mr. Darcy, he really has a golden heart. And Jane is my favourite Bennet girl.
And today, I had dessert before dinner, and it was yummy...Luckily I wasn't caught!
((Because les grandmeres can make excellent chocolate mousse, better than any store bought thing, because they bake in bits and pieces of their Love to be spread all over their grandchildrens' bodies until all they are in their eyes is Love. ))
like when I'm playing Jingle Bells on the piano,
my voice gets a little too high, and I sound like a squeaky mouse.
Without the piano, I can sing very regularly. I hope it can be overcome, or else I can never sing aloud to a song in public, or even to my Itty Bitty.
Yesterday, I finished reading Pride and Prejudice. I am ever so in love with Mr. Darcy, he really has a golden heart. And Jane is my favourite Bennet girl.
And today, I had dessert before dinner, and it was yummy...Luckily I wasn't caught!
((Because les grandmeres can make excellent chocolate mousse, better than any store bought thing, because they bake in bits and pieces of their Love to be spread all over their grandchildrens' bodies until all they are in their eyes is Love. ))
12 December 2008 @ 03:11 pm
It has been a while. I don't think I should introduce myself, I won't.
I feel quite scared to tell the truth. This is my first real post in my first ever journal that 's not private.
I've kept a few diaries in my life, the type that are only for my eyes...
Yesterday I found chocolate in the fridge and my mother told me I can't eat it, it's bad for me. So I told her that she can have the chocolate, if she'd give me her toffee candies. You probably can imagine that I had quite a few.
And this morning, Maman made my favorite breakfast (( scrambled eggs)).
This journal will be open to all, because of the shy little people. The ones that can't, or are too scared, to comment and ask to be allowed in. I'm one of them.
With love,
Rosebud
I feel quite scared to tell the truth. This is my first real post in my first ever journal that 's not private.
I've kept a few diaries in my life, the type that are only for my eyes...
Yesterday I found chocolate in the fridge and my mother told me I can't eat it, it's bad for me. So I told her that she can have the chocolate, if she'd give me her toffee candies. You probably can imagine that I had quite a few.
And this morning, Maman made my favorite breakfast (( scrambled eggs)).
This journal will be open to all, because of the shy little people. The ones that can't, or are too scared, to comment and ask to be allowed in. I'm one of them.
With love,
Rosebud
